my first real valentine's day

i've never really been much of a valentine's person. i don't like the idea of buying into the corporate world to show affection for someone and i've always been a 'coming from the heart' type of lady. valentine's day, traditionally, should be that way. it's not. 

but with that said i have also always been a hopeful romantic. anything that has anything to do with romance is definitely my cup of tea. i love the idea and the feeling of being in love and loving and being romantic. it is the most amazing feeling ever! but why set out one day each year for that? it should be every day! 

most of the reason why i am not much of a valentine's day person is because a very important valentine's day was ruined for me. being the romantic i am, i had spent all evening laying out hundreds of little hershey kisses all over the floor of the house for this guy. i made a trail from the front door all the way up to our bedroom and all over the bedroom floor, even in the bed along with tons of rose petals. there was a single note on the bed simply saying, 'now that i've 'kissed' the ground you walk on, will you be my valentine?' with a check yes or no. i lit candles, had our favorite music playing.

he never came home when he was supposed to. 

the whole time i was texting him asking when he would be home and he kept saying he was out looking for a present for me.

when he finally came home, he didn't have a present. later, i'd find out the real reason why. since then i made it a point to never make a big deal out of valentine's day again. 

even with the wolf, we did one small handmade or a little cute gesture and that was about it. the extent of this 'hallmark holiday' was spent making valentines for bry's class and whatever treat i signed up for in the beginning of the year. but this year was a little different for two reasons.

one: i came across a quote on instagram the day before that really hit home for me: 'create a life that feels good on the inside ~ not one that looks good on the outside'

i'll be honest; the wolf and i have been struggling even before baby came along. the life you see in photos or in what i write, though true, look a lot happier than they really are. without airing my dirty laundry, it has been rough and at times i've thought 'we will not get through this'. but when i read that quote i began to wonder why? why would we not be able to get through it? is it that much of a burden to just try? i know part of me had given up. mostly because i don't have time between the feedings and the diapers and the play dates and birthday parties and homework... and yeah, i've thought 'what's his excuse?' simply put, we don't have one, don't need one, and need to stop being babies about it. so that quote meant a lot to me because i want to stop making it look like we are happy and to start feeling happy. so i got together last minute some gifts for richard that would help us in the journey of putting some meaning behind all of those 'i love you''s and kisses and to just be happy darn it. 

aside from the cute felt envelope with cut out hearts inside {that i also made the kiddos} i made him a 'stay in' date jar. inside the jar are popsicle sticks filled with dates to go on after the kids are in bed that don't require us leaving the house. there are romantic ones like candlelit dinner and watching the stars out on our porch {with the baby monitor of course!}. there are also silly ones like take fun photos together and play a board game. all of which i hope will bring us closer, bring us happiness, and to just get 'us' back. a couple of the dates in there involve dessert so i made a plate for us to use when we share our desserts on date nights. we will play how often we 'stay in' on a date by ear, but we are hoping for a couple nights a week and are excited for our first one. and, just for good measure and to support one of our good friends in her baking biz, i ordered a dozen valentine macaroons for us to share. 

{card from freespiritreigns.blogspot.ca}

two: the other reason why this year was different was in the gifts that the wolf gave me. they were all very personal {though one was a corporate gift, it was appropriate and fitting since i love star wars and love r2d2} and held meaning behind them, even if they are just photos. richard told me that he would like to start celebrating valentine's day together as a family each year because when he was little, his dad always did something with him and together they made things for his mom. since we have baby {and bry, of course} he wants to start doing that for me and as a family we will celebrate. so he went to his dads the day before valentine's and had a mini photo shoot, setting baby up with a cut out cardboard heart and having his dad take photos of him holding up the 'be mine' signs. when i opened my gifts i was brought to tears and so touched. not to mention getting an amazing print from him made by our friend jake at traditional tattoo {and a fun SMASH label maker for my new SMASH stuff; from oli, of course}. it was literally the happiest valentine's day i've ever had and the first real one, too. between our gifts and the meanings behind them we are hoping that we can not just share the love every february 14th, but we can be love and feel love every day of the year beyond that. 

the wolf and i also have a matchy matchy tattoo that we got for valentine's {not on valentine's, though} two years ago. they are sparrows on our shoulders; mine on my left, his on his right. 

we never really did that with plans to make it a yearly thing or anything like that when we got them done. but this year, our friend jake {the one who did that awesome print!} put up sneak peeks of his valentine's day specials flash sheets and i fell in love with the dream catcher one so i asked richard if he wanted to get them done on valentine's day and he said yes. so we went in and spent the better part of the day waiting to get them and through some impatient times and lots and lots of waiting, we got them done and they look amazing. we decided to make this a yearly tradition; getting valentine's day matchy matchy tattoos.

for the first time in a long time i am feeling so much love and am literally falling in love all over again and this time we have a beautiful addition to add even more love into the mix. wolf; i am so excited for this new adventure, for all of the new memories we will make together and for all of the happiness that is coming our way. i love you to pieces, really, i do; and i am so glad i got to have my first real valentine's day with you!