Friday, February 1, 2013

mama problems

hello there! i am trying to enjoy the last few moments of 'relaxation' before the wolf comes back with the baby. though bry is here and she is driving me up the damn wall. bry is super sensitive and i can never tell if she is being emotional and pissy because she has raging hormones or if something happened to her that day that is setting her off. i am not sure if i can survive much longer with a tween and an infant. i might die of stress. i have been a ticking time bomb for about a week now and have cried at the drop of a hat. yes, i know; i am emotional too. maybe a little over emotional, but usually when something entirely passionate or sad happens. not so much when i have an irritating child or children. for the most part i can tune that stuff out. i seriously feel as though i am going to explode. i NEED A BREAK! last night, when baby was just digging in to my every nerve and emotion and i had said out loud that i was 'done nursing', i almost woke bry up, bundled the kids up, and walked to the grocery store so i could buy some damn formula. then today as we were making our rounds through the baby department in target i stopped in the food isle and just stared at all the wonderful, helpful, amazing, ready formula. oh sure, my boobs already make ready, precious milk; but when I have a damn baby attached to them all of the time making a bottle at 3am doesn't sound so bad. i even texted one of my friends {who tried to nurse, but couldn't and ended up using formula} to ask for advice at 1 in the morning! i felt terrible and she didn't reply because, well; its 1 am and no one in their right mind would be up replying to someone who is searching for answers on how to stop breastfeeding at that time! they'd be sleeping! see, i'm a mess. i think monday i am going to call a lactation consultant and try to figure this all out. i really don't want to quit nursing, but every mama has been here, right? teething, needy baby who is on your boob all the damn time... it's enough to consider quitting before the one year mark {or even before the 8 month mark}and just give the baby formula.
oh and the dr. says he is under weight {3rd percentile for weight for his age} and needs to eat more solid foods. i felt like handing her the baby, giving her some food and saying 'here; you have a crack at it'. i'm sure she would not be amused. but seriously! if she only knew... 
except wouldn't yah know? the day AFTER i cowardly declare i am done nursing and am so entirely stressed out because the kid just does not want to eat anything else... he ends up eating a breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and only nursed ONCE today so far.


please tell me i am not alone.

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