my infant is my best friend

i've been struggling lately with the term 'friends' and trying to find out what it really means beyond the webster dictionary. i've analyzed some past 'friendships' and even some current ones, to see if i can figure out a way to describe friendship in a way that fits with me.

i honestly feel incredibly alone right now. i feel like i have all of these 'friends' and yet where are they? they're sitting on the other side of the computer acting all concerned or supportive, or they totally want to hang out, but aside from a few 'what's wrong?' comments or 'i'm totally happy for you' or 'lets plan something next week', they're not there. all i do is sit at home with the baby and have no adult communication what-so-ever. my conversations are about asking an infant if he is poop or if he'd like another bite of avocado. don't get me wrong; i love being a total mommy! but us mommies need some adult friends too. cause right now, this mama's best friend is her infant.

am i the only one who is experiencing this? i do have real friends; the kind of friends that would be there for me at the drop of a hat and check in on me often to see if everything is okay. friends that i believe when they say 'if i lived closer, we would spend so much time together'. that's just the thing; they don't live around here. that's when i appreciate the convenience of being able to chat online, email, video chat. but the friends that live like 5 miles from me can't even give me the time of day. i'm not asking for much, and i'm not asking to be best friends [what does being a best friend even mean anymore anyway?], i'm just asking for some adult conversation at the park while our kiddos scrape knees and climb walls together. while our kiddos can build friendships that last and mean something so when they're adults and have kids they're not left having conversations with their infant best friend.

friends

how many friends do you have? lots? oh. well i dont have very many. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining or anything. i'd rather keep it that way. my facebook page reflects that i have almost 600 friends, though. do i know all of those people? no. most? yes. but they're not really my 'friends'. more like acquaintances or people you keep at a distance just in case. facebook and other social media sites have made it very easy to slip away from that organic feeling of having a friend.

while having a conversation with a person i know the other day the topic of friends were brought up. this person proceeded to tell me she has more friends than she can handle and how obligated she feels to each and every one of them. i straight up asked her why? she couldn't respond.

see, i just don't understand why people feel as though they need to have 'so many friends'. when you have that many friends, how can you keep what you have between each other real, organic, intimate, special? i can count my best friends on one hand and i'm cool with that. each one of those gals share something special with me that can't be shared with anyone else. that's truly how friendships should be. it's not a popularity contest! and this whole superficial friend bit is quite annoying too. ive dropped quite a few people who i used to consider a close friend until i came to the realization that they're just crap.

i see so many people post 'follow me i follow back' and shit like that on IG and twitter. why? just so your numbers will be high? who the frick cares? do you go around doing that in real life? do you stand on the street corner holding up a sign saying 'follow me! be my friend! please, i need a big following of people at my finger tips'. no, you don't. and if you do, you have problems! i try and treat each person i 'friend' or 'follow' as if they were someone i would have a conversation with in real life. but i do not consider them a close friend or someone i can tell anything to. i don't care to be popular, either. not even as a blogger. yes, i love for people to friend me on GFC and follow my IG and twitter, but not so my numbers will be high. i write for them, so naturally i want them to actually read my content.

what is your take on friendships? do you feel the more the merrier? are you close with a lot of people or prefer a smaller amount of friends to have that special and organic feeling with?